Dear Tourette’s…

Posted: January 25, 2011 in Tourettes
Tags: ,

What is it about shirts that you hate so much?

Did shirts beat you up and steal your lunch money when you were a kid? Did they pretend to be your friend when they were actually making fun of you behind your back? Do they piss in your cereal? Kick your dog? Steal the remote? Fart under the covers?

What exactly is it?

You need to tell me, because at some point I think you and I will need to work out a truce. A detente, if you will. This has been going on for more than 2 decades. I’m not sure why I thought you’d drop it. Looks like your scars run too deep. Did they put flaming shit on your doorstep? Post a hideous Photoshopped picture of you on Facebook? Fuck your mom after she divorced your dad?

I’m not sure, but it really needs to come to a stop. My body needs a break.

Get some help, okay? Whatever these shirts did to you, you need to figure out a way to shake hands. Or sleeves. Or whatever.

Sleevelessly yours,


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