Dear Tourette’s…

Posted: February 17, 2011 in Tourettes
Tags: , ,

Seriously? Seriously? Are you trying to get me kicked out of this coffee shop?

As usual, thanks to you, I can’t sit still. Mix in the Ritalin (yeah, fuck you too, ADHD!) and the coffee and it’s twitch city up in here. The dude next to me thinks I’m a crackhead. He keeps glancing nervously at me over his hardcover. It doesn’t help that I have the sniffles and my face is itchy because of this fledgling beard, either. Shit, if I was looking at myself, I’d peg me for a crackhead as well.

You know what I look like right now? A nervous marionette. I’m Pinocchio on the chopping block. That’s what I am. Fucking Pinocchio, waiting for the ax to fall. And let me tell you, you’re no Jiminy Cricket, fuckface.

What do you want me to do, anyway? I move the belt down, you make me crunch to the left. I shift it up, you squish me to the right. I lean forward in my seat, I’m shaking my shoulders like I’m electrocuting Jabbawockeez. I can’t do anything else! There’s nowhere else to go!

If you’re going to make me do this, could you at the very least make me do something elegant? If I need to twitch, I’d prefer to move about gracefully like a lithe gazelle, instead of this drunken spastic giraffe dance I’m performing now. Although I guess it beats the Perv Swerve

Okay, I’m going to attempt reading this book again. Serenity now… Serenity now…

Yours with strings attached,

  1. NeonVeon says:

    I just learned again today in rounds that individuals with Tourette’s benefit from DRUMMING. You should become a drummer.


  2. […] we’ve talked about this before, haven’t we? When Bezuidenthustra sits in coffee shop at 1:30am with hoodie pulled over head […]

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