Dear Tourette’s…

Posted: March 28, 2011 in Tourettes
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Thanks for not slapping me with coprolalia. That was real nice of you. Have to say, you totally did me a solid there.

Yeah, I know this is the first thing people think of when they think about you, the swearing and the ranting and the general inappropriate hilarity of spazzing in pure profanity. These things are almost synonymous now. Kind of ridiculous, when you think about it. Only about 10% of those people you bother on a regular basis show any signs of coprolalia. It’s kind of like assuming everyone you see with an amputated foot or leg must be diabetic. But I guess losing a leg just isn’t as sexy as blurting out someone’s mother is a sphincter-spelunking whore.

Don’t get me wrong. I fucking swear like a fucking sailor. I dump fucking cusswords all over the map like I’m shitting from the mouth. That’s right. Oozing mouthshit. I’m a foul miscreant blessed with rotting, festering lexicon. My brain doesn’t just live in the gutter, it runs the fucking place. It’s the shitfucking bitchlicking cocksucking asshole of the world, the gutter, and I’m front and center.

But I do it by choice. I like it this way. Taboo words are only taboo because, for some silly reason, we’ve made them taboo*. I like to flip that shit upside down. I won’t recognize them as taboo. They’re like Frank’s Hot Sauce. I put that shit on everything.

People with coprolalia, on the other hand? They don’t have a choice. They swear on your schedule, Tourette’s, and they often don’t even know they’re doing it. That has to suck.

So thanks for giving me a pass on that one. I’ll just go on sprinkling my conversations liberally with fucks and shits, knowing full well when and why I’m doing so.

Maybe I’ll start reserving them for when my twitching gets really bad. That could be ironic. I could turn that shit into a stand-up routine.


Profanely yours,

*This is not always silly. Words tied to historical oppression and travesties are taboo for good reason. Unless you’ve been a victim of said word and have license to reclaim and repurpose it, don’t say it. Not even I will do it, and I’ll say just about any goddamn thing. But I digress.

  1. […] and he was just being himself. So do me a favor and move that fucking TV or switch it off before I pretend I do have coprolalia and start giving all the patrons an earful of verbal sludge. Nobody’s watching that TV at […]

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