Posts Tagged ‘errands’

I think it’s kind of unfair how little people actually know about you.

For example, most people don’t understand how much you fuck with my ability just to get basic errands started, nevermind done. To-do lists? Yeah, they’re the fucking enemy. It’s not that I can’t compile them — I’m the king of making lists! And believe me, I want to finish them. I need to finish them. The problem is just getting started. I know everyone has a tough time with that bit, but you, ADHD, have taken it to a whole new level.

This isn’t a simple matter of being comfortable or lazy. I’m not alone here. Most people with ADHD experience this in one way or another — it’s a symptom of the disorder. You’re a rotten bastard, always fucking with my impulse control and zapping my short term memory. You’re a dopamine slanger hoarding all the good stuff, and I’m always itching for a couple more hits. If there’s no stimulus overload for Bezuidenthustra, there’s no getting started. Quite literally, if there’s no urgency, no alarm bells ringing and old ladies screaming, my brain figures there’s no need to do anything. Yeah, my brain’s like a teenager with a bong and an endless supply of Cheezies, and that’s all your doing, ADHD.

And even when I do manage to get started, I’m still tiptoeing over quicksand. (more…)

Dear ADHD…

Posted: January 20, 2011 in ADHD
Tags: , ,

I know we’re buddies, but I don’t really think it’s fair that you make me look lazy.

You know what I’m talking about. Don’t pretend like you don’t. The whistling, aw-shucks, hands-in-pocket thing doesn’t work with me, man.

The problem is that I can’t trust myself to do something when it occurs to me to do it. I’m talking about little tasks, like getting up and plugging in my phone, or taking the dishes to the sink, or ordering that shirt online, or running outside to mail a letter, or folding the laundry, or sweeping the floor, or answering that email, or… Yeah, you get the idea. These things are quick and easy. They take little effort and maybe 15-20 minutes of my time. For most people, it’s simple shit. Think about it, get up, do it. Ta da! Done.

But thanks to you, I can’t trust myself to get up and do something. Why not? Because if I get up to do one thing, it means the other thing that I’m currently working on is likely to be forgotten and buried.

For example, it’s one thing to be lounging on the couch and unwilling to take my dishes to the sink. That’s laziness. That’s all me. I’m cool with admitting that. But it’s quite another to be eating while researching and ordering plane tickets online, waiting for a page to load on my browser, looking at my dishes, and thinking, “I should quickly run this to the sink.” I know from experience that if I get up to go to the sink, I’m going to get distracted by something else on the way back. Even if I sit back down at the computer, I’ll have momentarily forgotten that I’m ordering plane tickets. I’ll open a new tab and start reading wacky science articles or browsing friends’ links on Facebook. I’m lucky if I remember what I was doing before I got up.

You won’t let me do a number of things at once. You make me choose one and stick to it, because if I don’t, there’s no guarantee that thing will ever get finished. And believe me, it’s hard enough concentrating on that one thing to begin with (and that, coincidentally, is also your fault). If I get up, I might never come back. And if I don’t come back, what I was doing is like jewels looted from a pharaoh’s tomb, eternally lost for all intents and purposes. This fear of not getting things done as a result is kind of demoralizing.

And, like I said, it makes me look lazy. It makes me look like I didn’t care to do those little things, like I couldn’t be bothered to get up and finish off basic errands. That’s not true. I just know that if I get up to do one thing, another thing probably doesn’t get done. I’m not a fan.

I know you’re just excited about all kinds of random shit. I know you probably don’t mean to get me in trouble. Still, it’s not really fair.

Scoldingly yours,
Bezuidenthustra