Posts Tagged ‘OCD’

Surprise! Long time no hear, I know. But don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten about you guys. (I should be so lucky…)

I took some time off to do other shit. Work and stuff. You know how it goes. But it’s not like you bastards disappeared. (I should be so lucky…)

Tourette’s, it’s been a sticky summer already. Not sweltering, just sticky. And sure as shit, you’ve been hanging around. I thought we had a deal. I guess not. For the record, it’s only hot when you tear the sheets off a girl’s bed because of your amazing tiger sexin’ prowess, NOT because your shoulder’s doing some sort of weird dying chicken seizure and she just wants you to fucking lie still for a minute. We’ve got beef, Tourette’s.

OCD, I have to admit, you’ve been more laid back than I thought you’d be. Still, you keep popping up everywhere. I may have added olives and a couple other things to my repertoire, but my diet still belongs in a Nickelodeon cartoon. And I’m finding it hard to get work done because I keep fearing (and trying to skirt) imperfections. Fuck that noise. We’ve got beef, OCD.

Speaking of work, ADHD, you’re really getting on my nerves. I keep thinking I’ve trapped you, only to realize that the very process of trapping you has managed to distract me from what I’m supposed to be doing, which means, of course, that you’re not trapped at all. Also, my irritability levels have skyrocketed. I blame you. And coffee, sometimes. Mostly you, though. I don’t drink that much coffee. You know it’s true. We’ve got beef, ADHD.

As for you, Depression and GAD… Just knowing you fuckers are lurking somewhere in the background is enough to make me want to punch kittens some days. That’s an evil state of being. Nobody should be punching kittens. You’re making me evil. (Well, more evil.) That’s bullshit. I’m already as evil as I’d like to be, thanks. So yeah, we’ve got beef.

I’ll be back soon, believe me. I’ve got all sorts of fun things to tell all you morons. I also have more than a month’s worth of pent-up rage to vent, so get ready for sexy fun happy times! (I should be so lucky…)


Beefingly yours,


Dear OCD…

Posted: May 31, 2011 in OCD
Tags: , , , ,

Okay, fair’s fair. I’m a big man. I can admit it. You’re winning this little battle.

Actually, I should rephrase. I’m letting you win this little battle. Which, I guess, is still you winning this battle, since you’re in my head and all. Hell, this gets kind of complicated if you delve too deep, doesn’t it. Umm…

Fuck it. Point is, you’re winning this battle. I’m talking about the eating thing. Right. Bet you knew that already, though. You’re probably off crowing about it to somebody right now. “Oh, look, Bezuidenthustra thinks he’s all tough, but he can’t even eat a pepper. What a bitch.” Yeah, yeah. I know how you roll.

So I’m admitting it. You’re right. I’m being a wuss. I’m too comfortable and settled to want to tinker with this problem. But let’s face it, OCD, if I’m already moving on to tackling the eating thing, it means I’m beasting you when it comes to everything else. So HA!

That said, this is a serious problem for me. Until recently, eating like a five year old wasn’t that big of a deal. Sure, it looks silly. (Although I will never apologize for loving bubblegum ice cream, assholes!) And yes, it’s not very healthy. And yes, it can get quite boring. And finally, yes, in certain situations it can cause me considerable social grief, making me avoid places and snap at people. But, generally, it was kooky rather than calamitous. This made it easy to ignore, to shove to the back of the list of other issues I may face on any given day.

Things, however, have changed. (more…)

There’s fighting and then there’s fighting. They’re related, sure, but they’re just not the same thing. Much like the difference between penicillin and Penicillium, one amounts to medicine, and the other is just nasty mold. I dig me some medicine, but I could do without the mold.

You see, fighting is perseverance. It’s determination. It’s a never-say-die attitude. It’s pushing past obstacles to reach a goal. It’s achievement. It’s triumph. It’s a good thing.

Fighting, on the other hand, is pugilism. It’s pointless arguing. It’s willful ignorance. It’s a knee-jerk negative reaction buried in mountains of rationalizations and logical sleight-of-hand. It’s blind. It’s stubborn. It’s a bad thing.

Why do I bring this up? Because I like fighting, but I don’t like fighting. And thanks to you (and sometimes Depression), I’m often fighting instead of fighting. The brutal irony, of course, is that fighting drains so much energy that there’s very little left for fighting. Too much suck = not enough awesome. It’s science, dude.  (more…)