Posts Tagged ‘war’

Dear Depression…

Posted: February 12, 2011 in Depression
Tags: , , ,

Where you at, son?!

Just a few weeks ago I was popping pills to try and get rid of you. Now I’m off those things and you’re nowhere to be found.

Not that I’m complaining, of course. I’m feeling great! Okay, not great. Just good. But that beats the big shithole into which I’d tumbled just a month ago.

Maybe this is just the eye of the storm. You have a way of popping up to say hey just when I least expect it. Terrible timing, too. Or maybe you haven’t even left. Maybe you’re chilling on my couch with a beer, your feet up on the seat, canceling all my TiVo recordings. Maybe you’re just spiking my juice with party drugs.

Maybe.

But maybe I’m finally starting to get a grip on all the things that knotted themselves into the dreary troll that you are. I’m untangling my OCD. I’m confronting and handling my ADHD. And as I smack those things down, I’m flattening out my anxiety as well. You know what that leaves? All the bad shit that’s happened to me — whether done by myself or done by others — and all the crappy feelings that came with that bad shit. That sounds an awful lot like your kind of mindfuck, doesn’t it, Depression?

Yeah, the game’s up, son. I’m not saying I’ve beaten you yet. Oh no. Certainly not. I may never get your ass permanently out of my place. And OCD’s always going to be around the corner, convincing me everything’s okay, just give him one more chance, we’ll be happy together, come on baby, just one more chance, before he slugs me a good one in the gut, as usual. The two of you really know how to gang up on me. So yeah, I’ll have to look out for that shit.

But I’m getting ahead of the game now. I’m amassing an arsenal. This is war. Fuck you, and fuck OCD. I told you both to watch out. Well, now it’s fully on.

There will be dark days, I know. That can’t be avoided. But you will never again be able to convince me that one dark day can stretch infinitely into the future.

You don’t write the future, Depression. I do.

And I’m going to write you out of it.

An enemy of yours,
Bezuidenthustra